Je suis le Papillon Américain

We handled the logistics of our France trip about a year in advance.  When the time to leave finally arrived I hadn't forgotten about it, but I was still a bit distracted coming off of my week-long rafting trip.  It was pretty cool to take such a long and elaborate trip without any torturous anticipation leading up to it.

The journey began with planes, trains, and automobiles.  We took off in the afternoon and watched the sun set and rise from the plane.  I don't sleep well while traveling, so I kept myself busy by watching 12 Years a Slave and reading erotica.  That flight was an emotional roller coaster!  (on the flight back Phil and I played Pokémon for literally 10 hours straight.  It was glorious).  After a long train ride to the town of Angers we were exhausted.

Unfortunately, the hardest stretch was still ahead of us.  We had to cover about 70km (that's about 44 miles for us yankees) to reach our destination.  Luckily Felicia still remembered how to drive stick, and she maneuvered our rental car out of an impossible parking garage and through some confusing roundabouts while I struggled to navigate.

Eventually wound up in the French village of Cholet.  Never heard of it?  Me either.  It's a small town in the Pays de la Loire region.  Phil's Papi lives in the countryside there and he's a real OG, so he let all seven of us stay there for a few days while we worked off the jetlag.  He was an amazing host too, introducing us to some French customs and language, and providing us with delicious regional cuisine.

I woke up in the middle of our first night there.  I felt very well rested so I figured it was mid-morning.  I was impressed with the silence of the countryside, and the darkness provided by the shutters.  Then I looked at the clock... it was just after midnight.  I lay awake for about six hours that night, upset with the stubbornness of my internal clock.  Eventually the sun rose, just like always, and the party began!

I'm gonna be late.  Yup, Apocalypse again.

One of the first things I noticed about France was the age of things.  It's hard to take two steps without tripping over some history.  Castles, palaces, churches, world war relics, and museums are everywhere.  We checked out some of the historical sites while we were near Cholet, including the tapestries of the apocalypse at Château Angers.  My favorite stop was Château de Chenonceau.

After a few days we headed off to Andernos Les Bains, a small beach town just off the Atlantic.  We spent an amazing week in Phil's family beach house.  It was the most relaxing stretch of our trip.  We were still culturally immersed because nobody there spoke English, but we didn't take a lot of time to do sightseeing or other touristy things. 

Every day there we rode bikes on the boardwalk and through the cycling paths in town.  We ate more amazing food, we swam, we caught some sun, and we tried our best to speak French.  On my favorite day there we got lost biking to the ocean.  A one hour ride turned into three, but it was all good because the cycling path through the forest was amazing, and the weather was beautiful.  When we finally arrived we devoured our baguette sandwiches and spent the rest of the day beaching it up.  Of course the beaches in France are topless, so you have a great view of the mountains as well :)

One night in Andernos has stuck with me particularly well.  A thunderstorm rolled in and everyone was already asleep, but I stayed up playing Majora's Mask on the 3DS and listening to Outkast.  Between songs I caught myself listening to the rain and thunder and I reflected on how awesome my life was at that moment - surrounded by awesome people in an awesome place under shelter from awesome weather listening to awesome music and playing an awesome video game with a belly full of awesome food.  I'm not usually one for contentment, but that night it was hard not to feel like I "made it."

Nobody was sadder to leave Andernos than Felicia.  She wanted to say goodbye to her new friends (the baker and the lifeguard), but the sophisticated French language escaped her tongue.  With a heavy heart we headed for Bordeaux for a day.  We ate lunch at McDonald's, which was actually pretty good (I had curry sauce with my nuggets.  Felicia had a "Croque McDoo".)  We spent some time checking out the city before hopping our train to Paris.

This was the day after three American soldiers stopped an armed terrorist on a train bound for Paris.  Somehow the proximity of that event didn't really affect our trip.  Maybe we were just too busy to really let it soak in.  The more that I think about it, the more humbled I am by their heroism.  I'm glad that wasn't my train instead.  I'm not sure if I could be so brave in that situation, and hopefully I'll never have to find out.

Paris was the opposite of Andernos - noisy, crowded, and smoky.  The streets form a narrow disorienting labyrinth interlaced with brick and cobblestone plazas, but every time we got to look at the city from above was breathtaking.  There's a bakery or a church on every corner.

Our airbnb apartment was cozy and comfortable.  It felt perfect for a couple wanting to get the real Parisian experience.  We were on the 7th floor of the building, with a beautiful view of the Sacré Cœur Catherdral.

We did most of the typical touristy stuff while we were there.  We ascended the Eiffel Tower, The Arc de Triomphe, and the towers of Notre Dame.  We admired the stained glass windows of San Chappelle, and the splendor of the palaces and the opera house.  We spent days perusing artwork in the Louvre and Musée d'Orsay.  We visited the Pantheon and learned a thing or two about democracy.  We even went deep underground and toured centuries of human remains buried beneath the city.

The Gates of Hell from Dante's Inferno

At first the historical significance was overwhelming.  As you walk around the Louvre, it's amazing to recognize how saturated you become with artwork.  At first you want to walk slowly and inspect every piece with the same focus that it was crafted with.  After a whole day, however, you catch yourself strolling down a hallway filled with statues that took generations to carve, but you can only afford a casual glance at each one before moving on.  That's especially true for artwork of Christian subjects.  You can only handle so many Virgin Marys in a single day.

I'm not really a history buff, but it was very cool to experience hundreds of years of developments firsthand throughout the course of a week.  At first you admire the glamour of the grand cathedrals and palaces - San Chappelle and Versailles in particular.  Then you learn to place them in context; commoners are working and starving while the royal family builds another private garden and a summer home palace closer to their hunting forest.  Then you resent the lavishness of the royals (and this hypocrisies of the church) just like the French people did, and it's exciting to learn about the revolution and the spread of democracy.  It was cool to see Lady Liberty portrayed in French revolutionary artwork long before the Statue of Liberty became an American icon.

Of course, the catacombs offered the greatest sense of perspective.  Deep under the city you can walk through an ossuary where the walls are made from millions of human bones.  Seeing the remains of so many nameless, faceless people is a stark reminder of how temporary life is.  All those people were just like me once.  Many of them probably didn't live to be my age.  Sometimes I struggle with counting what's on my bucket list instead of my blessings, but in the catacombs I gained a gratitude for my life that I won't soon forget.

The weather was a mixed bag.  Unfortunately our day inside the Louvre was warm and sunny while the day we spent at the gardens of Versailles was raining les chats et les chiennes.  C'est la vie.  Our last day in town was sunny, so we grabbed some sandwiches with our last euros and headed to the park.  I was proud of myself for knowing how to say the French word for every animal there! Later that night the cultural fusion was reciprocated, as I noticed some French kids copying my top-knot haircut.

So that was our trip to France!  All things considered it was an amazing, fun, humbling experience.  I had a great vacation with my friends, and I learned a lot about the world.  It was exhausting as far as vacations go, but I can't wait to get the same kind of immersion in other parts of the world.

Dieu merci, c'est Briday!

P.S. I want to give some special shout-outs to things that were great throughout the whole trip.

• croissants - especially almond
• fresh bakes baguettes (they don't need to add yeast there, it's just in the air)
• Crepes
• chorizo
• local tomatoes
• three course meals
• French mountain food.  Their lumberjacks must be enormous.
• T-mobile's plans that just work internationally
• Duolingo and Google Translate apps
• The kindness of Phil's family
• Rick Steve's audio guides
• Felicia and Kelsey itinerary planning
• Nintendo 3DS, LoZ: Majora's Mask, Super Smash Bro's, and Mario Kart
• Felicia's fitbit and her 40k steps
• being friends with proactive photographers
• And, of course, Phil speaks French!

26

I just wrapped up my birthday.  Reflecting on the past year, I've decided to consider 25 my "Year of the Wildcat."

It was a surprisingly successful season for the Arizona football team.  RichRod football is exciting to watch!  The 36 point 4th quarter comeback against Cal, capped by the "Hill Mary," is one of my most treasured sports-watching memories.  The Casey Skowron heroics to win a weird game against Washington felt like street justice for the infamous "shoe interception" game in 2009.  10 wins, Pac-12 South champions, and keepers of the Territorial Cup!  That's a special season in Arizona history.

I attended three football games this year - one in Tucson, one in Pullman, and one on a neutral field.  I didn't get to attend the UA vs ASU game, but that's because I was busy cheering on the Men's Basketball team win the Maui Invitational!  There are worse places to watch a football game than a sports bar in Hawaii.

The Maui Invitational had been a bucket lister for me since I was like 10.  Thankfully the stars aligned this year.  Not only did I get to attend with my wife and some of our closest friends, but we got to watch them win the tournament, eat Thanksgiving dinner with the team, and still spend an extra few days on the island afterwards.  I had put this trip on a pedestal for 15 years, and it lived up to the hype.

I also got to see the Arizona win on the road in Seattle, the Pac-12 Tournament in Las Vegas, and the NCAA Tournament rounds of 64 and 32 in Portland.  I got to attend a dozen football and basketball games and see the Cats go 11-1!  I was just a Fiesta Bowl victory away from perfection.  These teams competed at a high level from August to April, and as a fan I loved almost every minute of it.

I made plenty of great memories aside from sports as well.  Just a couple days ago I got back from another bucket lister - rafting down the Deschutes River in Oregon with my extended family.  The trip lasted 6 days and 5 nights, with lots of rafting, kayaking, swimming, hiking, fishing, and jumping.  I got to sleep under the stars in my hammock every night, and I made some new friends as well.  Check out the extended highlights!

All things considered I think I set a high bar for myself with 25.  I'm looking forward to raising it with 26 :)

TGIB

Best Day of My Career (So Far)

This post will be short and sweet because it's the middle of the night and I'm tired, but I need to write it now or I never will.  (I'm leaving in the morning to go "off the grid" for a week - more on that in a  future post.)

I don't love being a corporate worker.  Executing on someone else's agenda to earn investors profits just isn't fulfilling.  There are exceptions to every rule though, and some days on the job are actually pretty sweet.  Case in point; Thursday 7/23/2015.

I had spend the last several weeks boning up on web application security principles and practices, and Thursday was the day I presented the newfound knowledge to my team.  I learned a lot of attack patterns and defense techniques, and explored their impact on our site.  I was able to identify several vulnerabilities, and I even patched one just before the presentation.  This was a big deal for me, as I knew next to nothing about web security before being assigned to become an 'expert.'

I was nervous about presenting security topics to a room full of more experienced engineers.  Surely in my hours of research I had missed some things they had spent years developing.  Ultimately, though, the presentation went off without a hitch.  Discussion was lively and everyone left the room feeling more informed about security on the web in general, or in our app specifically.  A great weight was lifted off my shoulders.  There was actually a meaningful result to my month-long self guided journey.  (I'd love to share some technical details about the things I learned, but I have an obligation to do exactly the opposite!  If you want to learn about web security in general, this is the book I started with: http://www.amazon.com/Web-Application-Security-Beginners-Guide/dp/0071776168/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1437812466&sr=8-1&keywords=web+security )

I got that "business high" that comes from a job well done.  As I was riding it out, I read on the news that Amazon's stock had skyrocketed 20% after hours due to a strong quarterly earnings report.  It's actually doubled from when I started two years ago!  Stock is a pretty big deal for Amazon employees because it's a big part of our compensation packages.  Needless to say I was happy about that too.

I got a buzz that comes from making some surprise money, and when it mixed with my business high from the presentation I became corporate cross faded.  It felt good, and I finally understood why some people choose to devote their lives to long hours in the office.  Of all the addictions to have, this one at least puts money in your pocket instead of the other way around.

The best was still yet to come.  It just so happens that not only was this quarterly earnings day, but it was also Amazon's 20th birthday!  To celebrate, all employees and their +1's were invited to a private Macklemore & Ryan Lewis concert at Century Link Field.  Amazon must have splurged book a private show from an A-list act in an NFL stadium, which is impressive for a company that preaches frugality.  Felicia and I had an awesome dinner after work, then we headed down to the show.

I had never seen Macklemore live before, but I've been to my fair share of rap concerts and I was worried this one was going to be wack.  A stadium full of software engineers isn't the most exciting crowd...Can they provide any artist with the right kind of energy?

image from http://www.geekwire.com/2015/a-good-day-macklemore-performs-for-amazon-employees-after-company-crushes-earnings/

It turns out yes they can.  Either that or Macklemore was just being a good sport.  Maybe a little of column A and a little of column B.  Either way, the show was a blast!  I forgot how much I liked The Heist.  They put on an amazing live performance as well, and it's easy to tell Macklemore had fun just being himself on stage in front of 15,000 people.

While I've had a good experience at work lately I still think it's smoke & mirrors compared to what I ultimately want out of life, which is just to "do me."  If I can win grammys on go on world tours in the process, like Macklemore and Ryan Lewis when they just "do them," then even better :)

Until next time!

TGIB

The Perfect Storm

Have you ever seen that movie (or read the book) The Perfect Storm? Three hurricanes and tropical storms collide and a helpless fishing boat is caught in the middle.  June was like the exact opposite of that for me.  My storm was a mix of weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries which formed a month-long super celebration.  The only downside was that I don’t like to drink a lot, but I found myself partying hard every weekend.  Woe is me :P  The heavy hitters were the weddings on back-to-back weekends.  2 bachelor parties, 2 weddings, 2 receptions, 2 after parties, and 2 much booze.

First up was Miguel’s bachelor party.  The theme of the party was Shirts vs Skins.  The precursor was a 1-rep max weight lifting session, and the main event was a poker tournament.  As players were eliminated, they had to give their shirts up to the person that knocked them out.  It started innocently enough, but with a little help from Fireball it quickly devolved into a bunch of drunken naked savages twerking and doing yardwork.  Eventually dudes started wrasselin and climbing around on the roof.  As things settled down we spewed our liquor onto Miguel’s neighbor’s yard and went home.  I’m pretty happy with all the Canadian cousins I made that day. *

This is what it looked like before things got out of hand.

Next was my wife’s birthday.  We kept this one low key because of all the other events going on.  In fact, she was hosting a bachelorette party for Shaniqua that same night!  I got her a mini-fridge as a present.  It wasn’t the most romantic gift, but it was practical.  I guess that’s marriage in a nutshell.  She’s not a diva at all, so she’s not upset that her b-day was overshadowed.  Still, I think she deserves the best so I’ll have to find a way to make it up to her.

The next day was Tyrese’s bachelor party.  This one was pretty last-minute, but it came together just fine.  It was day one of a three day bonanza.  We had some beers, and played mini-golf and Cards Against Humanity.  If you think that game is already racy, try it out at a bachelor party.  It was an appropriately fun night.  My Canadian family got pretty intertwined at this one, which I wouldn’t be surprised to find out is some kind of Canadian tradition.

The rest of the weekend was at Tyrese and Shaniqua’s wedding.  It was a couple hours out of town, so we wound up renting some houses onsite for a group of about 20.  Between the rehearsal dinner and the wedding reception there was lots of good food, classy fun, and small talk.  Both nights back at the house were pretty wild.  With bros icing bros and more fireball it felt like living with my college roommates again.  Shout out to my new Polynesian cousins for the successful weekend bash.*

Felicia and I at one of the weddings.

The Wednesday after the wedding was Pierre’s 30^th birthday.  It was also my grandfather’s 86^th birthday (He had a heart attack in his 60s, and was told he’d be lucky to live another 10 years.  So, to me, every birthday for him is a big deal) and my two year anniversary at Amazon.  Again, due to the timing this one was hard to celebrate.  At least, that’s what we told Pierre… more on that later.

A couple days later was Miguel and Guadalupe’s wedding.  It was magical.  Everyone was looking G’d up from the feet up.  The ceremony was beautiful and emotional.  We wound up getting pretty smashed on wine at the reception and the after party.  I’m not sure what hit me so hard – maybe it was the alcohol mixing with my allergy meds or just the fact that I had two glasses of six different wines, but I was a unique kind of intoxicated that night.  I spent about an hour lobotomized in a lawn chair while some of the other fellas spewed into the neighbor’s yard again (this time it was Tyrese’s neighbor).  This wasn’t anyone’s proudest moment, but Miguel and Guadalupe deserved it.

Now, back to Pierre.  He’s one of my best buds.  A lot of other people would claim that he’s one of their best buds as well.  He’s a good guy.  And 30 is a big milestone.  We weren’t going to let him fly under the radar on this one – regardless of being sandwiched between two weddings.  Penelope planned a Pokémon-themed surprise party for him months in advance.  The weekend after the weddings worked out best, since that’s when his brother Jacque was in town.  It was a blast.  Team Rocket was there, Pikachu, Charizard, Dragonite, and others were all in the house.  We had 8 “gym leaders” that Pierre could challenge for badges throughout the day.  He had to best them in feats of athleticism, wit, and drinking.  By the end of the night Pierre was the Pokémon league champion.  It wasn’t easy, but we all had a blast making him earn every badge.

So, that’s June 2015 for me.

When it was all said and done, I partook in some amazing festivities, felt some deep emotions, and made some great memories.  I’m #blessed to have so many people in my life who are worth celebrating, and so full of energy.  I’m also exhausted, and ready to get back in my routine :)

TGIB

*Canadian cousins is a term like “Eskimo brothers.”  It means you attended the same bachelor party.  Polynesian cousins is a similar term.  It means you had the same wedding officiant.

**fake names used to protect the innocent.

No Ragrets

I’m not super active on social media.  I’m mostly a Facebook lurker and liker.  I’m not even on Twitter or Instagram, and especially not that new thing.  On the rare occasion that I do post something, it’s probably close to my heart.  For example when Robin Williams passed away, I shared this on Facebook:

R.I.P to Robin Williams :( He was a really big part of my childhood - in part because he made a lot of my favorite movies better and because I  thought he looks just like my dad Tod Swindell.  I'm really saddened to hear that he's gone at 63 years young.

I gathered with about a dozen of my friends that weekend to watch some movies and celebrate his life and career.  Unfortunately we didn't get to Mrs. Doubtfire.  That’s an all-time favorite of mine.  I actually posted this on Facebook a few months before he died, when I heard they were making a sequel.

Robin Williams goes so hard!  Looking forward to MD2.

Selfishly I’m disappointed that I won’t get to see it, or any new material from him.  For an entertainer with a limitless spectrum of talent, it’s saddening to know that his work is now bounded.  At least I thought so, until I recently read this on the top of my Facebook news feed; “Robin Williams’ last movie trailer just came out, and it’s giving me chills…” 

Take a couple minutes and watch it.  If you’re reading this blog clearly you have some time on your hands ;)

I wasn’t aware that Robin had filmed another movie, so I was caught off guard by how much it spoke to me.  There are a few things on the surface that stuck out:

• His character shares my name
• "25 years now, almost 26" describes my age exactly
• His failing marriage reminds me of my parents
• The irony of the tagline "Maybe it's never too late to finally start living the life you really want" with respect to the leading actor's untimely death
• Bob Odenkirk was a favorite in Breaking Bad, but now it's hard to take him seriously
• I also used to date a male prostitute that looked like Leo

Just kidding about Leo.  That’s never been my cup of tea, but I don’t think it was Nolan’s either, so never say “never” ;)

Anyway, my real connection with this trailer is deeper than my love for the actor and some fun coincidences.  What draws me in is my fear of regret.  The first time I watched it I got a "Ghost of Christmas Future" vibe.  I'm terrified of being an old man and reflecting on all of the opportunities in life that I didn't take.  Just like Williams says in the trailer;

Nothing turned out the way I thought, I guess.  And suddenly I'm 60 years old.

To be fair it's not exactly looking into a crystal ball for me.  My wife and I have been together for almost six years and she’s still the most important thing in the world.  I'm happy with the choices I made in college, and the vocation it prepared me for.  Even if I put my career on autopilot things will get lucrative for me pretty quickly.  I'm grateful for my health, and I'm not possessed by addiction the same way that Williams was off screen.

Even though things are going well, this trailer still echoes something I've been contemplating for a while - I’m not really sure what I want out of life, and I'm afraid I won't know until it's too late.  As a kid I dreamed of being an athlete, musician, entrepreneur, philanthropist, or something else exciting.  I never planned on being a corporate sellout with a 9 to 5 and a commute, but that's where I find myself.  That's not a knock against the "American Dream" lifestyle.  It's just decidedly average, and I've always hoped to do something more rewarding.

I've always justified putting off my dreams because I was working on "The next thing."  That used to mean matriculating through school, then graduating college, then getting a job and some real world experience.  Even now I always need just one more year of guaranteed paychecks before I'm comfortable diving into something risky.  (Pardon me if my "problems" sound pretentious.  I'm sure billions of people would trade places with me in a heartbeat.  I really try not to take my good fortune for granted.)

I'm blessed with the foundation to support an amazing life, but what do I build on top of it?  I envy the people who know that about themselves.  Part of the reason I'm writing this blog is to help explore my own answers.  I'm interested to hear what you have to say as well :)

Rest in peace Mr. Williams.  Thanks for continuing to inspire me.

TGIB